Now, the wounds are scars. The pain is dull and takes its place among the day-to-day routine of work and raising a 4 year old. It's still there, but it's no longer as sharp and consuming as it once was. It's hard to believe that if you were with us, you'd be in second grade now. Do they still teach cursive here? Would you be struggling to write that stupid capital "Q"? What would you be reading? What would you be asking for for Christmas? What would life be like?

We let Dean pick out a toy for Toys for Tots in your honor, but I don't think he's really aware, yet, of the fact that he had a big brother. When Iccarus died earlier this year, he began ask about death. He asked about you and what it all means. It's hard to tell him when you don't really understand yourself.

Things keep moving and the world keeps changing, but you're always in our hearts and we miss you. We love you.

It's been four years since Aiden came into our lives. This week his little brother Dean will be 6 months old. So much has changed in those four years. The pain is less raw, the wound in our hearts is more of a scar these days, and babies remind us of Dean more than Aiden now. In most ways, things are easier now. We still miss Aiden with all our hearts and think of him every day.

Aiden, we miss you and we love you every day, but on your birthday most of all. Keep an eye on your little brother. We love you.

Today marks what would be Aiden's third birthday. We still miss him every day. It's nice to know we're not the only ones who still think of him. I know a few of you still visit this site from time to time, and for that I thank you. We appreciate your thoughts and prayers, not only for us and for Aiden, but for everyone who has lost a child. It's still hard, but there is still light at the end of the tunnel for us, and you each are part of that light. Thank you.

If you wish to do something in rememberance of Aiden (or any child who is not with us) please help make the life of a living child a bit happier by donating to Toys for Tots.

Thank you again.

We miss you and we love you Aiden (and our other little one who we did not get to meet).

Although I can't claim to know him well, Mark is one of the people who helped get me started when I was learning just enough about WordPress to become facinated with it, and programming in general. He encouraged me, and treated me with respect. People like him are why I am still involved in Open Source Software.

Mark posted that his wife gave birth at 21 weeks to a daughter, who was able to be with them for only 15 minutes. Her name is Angel.

My heart breaks for Mark, Jennifer and Angel. I know this pain too well.

One of my best friends, Katie is having a baby tomorrow. The baby was due Tuesday, so they're inducing. I'm very excited for Katie and her husband Chris and I think they'll be fantastic parents. I'm looking forward to watching this baby grow and learn and do all those things that babies do that are very cute (and absolutely disgusting when anyone over 5 does them). But I have to admit to feeling some trepidation. Memories of Aiden's birth are coming back to me, and it's a little bit hard to sort out the joy that I'm feeling for Katie and Chris, from the scars that I will always carry. On the other hand, I'm ready for a reminder of how magical these tiny little people are.

Best of luck to Katie and Chris and the new little one who will be here soon.

crossposted on www.morydd.net