Aiden would have been 3 months old today. How much different would these last 3 months have been with him here physically? I've learned so much from his death. I cannot imagine how much I would have learned from his life. I miss him every day, it's hard to motivate myself to accomplish things, because they seem so meaningless in perspective. There's a part of me that feels that it is of vital importance to keep my life moving, make my life better, fix problems I have... but there is a part of me that says "why bother." That part is hard to ignore. Sometimes I feel that I'm trying to fill the loss that I feel with all the things I do. That they are purely escape. But I know that even though Aiden doesn't live with us in this apartment, I am still his father, and as a father, I owe it to my son to make my life an example. Even if he doesn't need to learn things from me, there are many things he can help me learn myself. There is so much to say and do, that I can feel the effect Aiden has on my life every day.

As much as I'd love him to be here with us, I am thankful that I can still live and learn and be a father.
I've done some updating to the page, to make it more personal. Aiden was, and is our son, and while Nicole and I will never, and can never, forget that for even a second, I feel it's important to remind others who may not know us as well.

If you know someone who has a child who has passed away, please remember that thier child is a person, as real a part of their family as any sibling, parent, or spouse. As with any loved one, it is important to remember the life, not focus on the death. Don't be afraid to talk about the child. Realize that asking may lead to tears, or being blown off because they don't want to bring the emotion to the surface, or it could lead to laughter. That is the gift that life gives. If we cry, cry with us. If we laugh, laugh with us. If we change the subject, that doesn't mean that tomorrow we won't be ready to talk. I'd like to thank everyone who has done that with us for the last 3 months. Knowing that there are people who think of Aiden and miss him too, helps more than you can possibly know.

I have been a father for 3 months. There is nothing in this world I could be more proud of.