A few people have asked us if we are planning on doing anything for Aiden’s birthday. We would like to ask that anyone who feels like they would have given Aiden a birthday present, and who is able to, purchase a new toy to donate to Toys for Tots (or another similar group). Although Aiden will not be able to play with the toys, it would be great if someone is able to have some joy that they might have otherwise missed. We have decided that we will be making an age-appropriate donation each year in Aiden’s honor.

At my door the leaves are falling
A cold wild wind has come
Sweethearts walk by together
And I still miss someone

October 15th is International Pregancy and Infant Loss Awareness day. Please take time to learn about how many people have felt this loss, and that they don’t “get over it”… ever. If you know someone who has lost a child, remind them that you are thinking of them, and their child. They need your love every day. My wish for everyone is that this is the way that they will gain awareness of infant and pregancy loss, rather than the way we have.

Aiden has his own domain. I’ve moved this blog over to the new site, and I’ll soon be putting up his pictures here as well. It may take a bit to get all the kinks worked out, but considering my habit of playing with things, and thereby breaking them, on my regular site, I thought it would be best to set up a sepertate site for Aiden, so those who want to would always be able to find his site.

These has been an interesting one for me. A lot of emotions have resurfaced because of different things that are going on. Work has been rough, but I’ve started a new “spare time” job, which kind of makes things at the “real job” more difficult. Chris and Heather Davis had their son Jakob this week, which in some ways opened the wound, but in others helped to heal it a bit more. Along with that we have friends who will soon be moving to new homes and starting new chapters in their lives. I’ve noticed that every now and then, my life seems to make a major shift. I think that’s happening now. I suspect the next year will be more significant than I can possibly anticipate. The last year has been a very difficult one, but I hope and pray this year will see the balance.

Thank you to those who still check back here now and then, and thank you to all of those who have loved the three of us this past year. We would not have made it without you.

Thank you all.

I miss you Aiden.

Governor Rod Blagojevich signed Senate Bill 568 into law today. This was not the bill that we had been watching, but does the same thing. The only difference is that this bill allows 9 months to request the birth certificate. The bill passed unanimously in both houses. Thank you to everyone who supported this law and thank you to the legislature of Illinois for this.

Aiden would have been 3 months old today. How much different would these last 3 months have been with him here physically? I’ve learned so much from his death. I cannot imagine how much I would have learned from his life. I miss him every day, it’s hard to motivate myself to accomplish things, because they seem so meaningless in perspective. There’s a part of me that feels that it is of vital importance to keep my life moving, make my life better, fix problems I have… but there is a part of me that says “why bother.” That part is hard to ignore. Sometimes I feel that I’m trying to fill the loss that I feel with all the things I do. That they are purely escape. But I know that even though Aiden doesn’t live with us in this apartment, I am still his father, and as a father, I owe it to my son to make my life an example. Even if he doesn’t need to learn things from me, there are many things he can help me learn myself. There is so much to say and do, that I can feel the effect Aiden has on my life every day.

As much as I’d love him to be here with us, I am thankful that I can still live and learn and be a father.
I’ve done some updating to the page, to make it more personal. Aiden was, and is our son, and while Nicole and I will never, and can never, forget that for even a second, I feel it’s important to remind others who may not know us as well.

If you know someone who has a child who has passed away, please remember that thier child is a person, as real a part of their family as any sibling, parent, or spouse. As with any loved one, it is important to remember the life, not focus on the death. Don’t be afraid to talk about the child. Realize that asking may lead to tears, or being blown off because they don’t want to bring the emotion to the surface, or it could lead to laughter. That is the gift that life gives. If we cry, cry with us. If we laugh, laugh with us. If we change the subject, that doesn’t mean that tomorrow we won’t be ready to talk. I’d like to thank everyone who has done that with us for the last 3 months. Knowing that there are people who think of Aiden and miss him too, helps more than you can possibly know.

I have been a father for 3 months. There is nothing in this world I could be more proud of.

The amendment bill was sent to Health and Human Services comittee today. Progress is great. If you are able, letters to the HHS comittee would be helpful. We have learned that there are similar laws in several other states. Hopefully this amendment will pass, and serve as precedent for other states to amend their laws as well.

Introduced in the Illinois Senate today, is a bill to amend the Vital Records act:

Amends the Vital Records Act. Provides that when the death of a child occurs within 90 days of that child’s live birth, the mother listed on the birth certificate of that child may request the issuance of a copy of a certificate of live birth from the State Registrar. Provides that the request shall comply with specific requirements, shall indicate the requestor’s relationship to the child, and shall be made not later than 6 months from the date of the death of the child.

Right now the law states that anyone requesting a birth certificate of a deceased person, that certificate must be stamped prominently with the word “DECEASED”. For parents in our position, this means that the only birth certificate we will ever be able to have will have the word DECEASED across it. Sen. John J. Cullerton has introduced a bill to amend the law so that parents can request a birth certificate within the time frame listed, and with identification, which would not be stamped DECEASED.
If you are an Illinois resident, please contact your legislators to let them know you support this bill. Write, call, e-mail, and spread the word. Believe me when I say that the parents of children who have passed away will treasure this birth certificate.
If you are not an Illinois resident, your voice can still be heard, both in Illinois, and in your own state. Protecting against identity theft is very important, but everyone should have one birth certificate that is a reminder of life, rather than death.